Have you ever been in this kind of conversation? PERSON A: why doesn’t someone tell him that he should ”pull up his socks” and change in such and such a way? PERSON B: well if that’s how you feel why don’t you get along side of him and have a conversation? PERSON A: well surely everyone knows that’s how a Jesus follower should behave? He just needs to be told!
Bumper sticker wisdom
You wouldn’t be Robinson Crusoe if you hadn’t at one time or another felt like tearing your hair out in total exasperation with someone’s lifestyle choices and their version of Christian living. I know I certainly have. Back in the day when bumper stickers were more of a thing, there was one that went like this:
Be patient with me. God hasn’t finished with me yet.
Author unknown
Can I propose that if you have any intention of living in a meaningful version of christian community, then you need bucket loads of patience. Both with others, but primarily with yourself. And if you’re not clear on why you may need patience with you, then perhaps you consider what Jesus described as the greatest and commandment and another one like it:
You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind. This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like it: You shall love your neighbour (one who is close to you emotionally or by proximity) as yourself.
Matthew 22:37-39 NKJV
So what’s the point? My dad used to tell me that when I point the finger at someone else, there’s three fingers pointing back at me.
Isn’t it funny how those pithy sayings from our parents stay with us?
The thing is, I think my father was right (again).
I’ve had my share of personal blindspots, but that said it’s what I do with those blind spots that counts.
Bye bye condemnation
Can I propose that self reflection can take us in one of two directions:
- The first is confession and repentance before God. In Monopoly parlance, this is the equivalent of going safely around the board and passing go and collecting $200. As sons and daughters of a loving heavenly Father we can enjoy love and security before Him as we are washed clean and receive enabling and transforming grace. Jesus commandments are a good litmus test. Not so much to measure performance in our doing, but rather to trigger moments to experience the constancy of Jesus love and acceptance. He showers us with grace upon grace.
- The second is a spiral of condemnation and self pity. This is the ‘oh no’ monopoly moment of going to jail and not receiving $200. Condemnation is a prison camp triggered by wrong thinking and a mis-interpretation of the Gospel of Jesus Christ. The enemy of our souls is a liar and specialises in bringing a voice of accusation. Scripture makes it clear ‘there is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus’ (Romans 8:1).
The accuser condemns.
And then some (see Revelation 12:10).
The perfect love of Jesus evaporates condemnation, and replaces it by a work of His grace.
Uncoupling behaviour from love
Let’s debunk for good the lie of the devil that our behaviour determines how much God loves us. We are loved because Jesus has made a way through His righteousness for relationship with the Father. It is His perfect love that then in turn has a perfecting influence upon us.
So let’s set ourselves (and others) free from performance expectation.
Behaviour modification is a dry and dull tool of religion.
Saving grace through faith sets us free from this bondage, and releases us to a place around the table with the King.
HIS WAY IS WAY WAY BETTER.
How are you going with managing expectations for others? And how about your expectations of you?
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